20

So yesterday I turned 20 years young...and what better time to post something like what I'm about to say than now!

This will all sound like it doesn't connect at first but hang in there with me.

#1. I have never understood how people are able to just "start up" a conversation with God and hear a response. I am a spiritual person, and although doing all the things a "Christian" would do would technically make me a "Christian" I'm still technically not one at all.

This is what I mean: Christianity is just a name. It's a title for a group of Jesus followers and the certain way that you go about practicing your beliefs. I think that I can call myself a Christian every day anytime to anyone and not pray nor give myself to God. I think that Christianity is a little overrated. I want you to just think about this for a second: I love God, I have a relationship with Him, but I wouldn't necessarily call myself just a "Christian". So what does that make me? Am I nothing if I'm not a Christian? That's all I've ever known to be. I think I can be many things. I want to understand other cultures, I want to listen to what Atheists say, I want to hear the stories of why people believe what they do and how they got there.

I'm not just that. I'm more than that. And I feel like calling ourselves Christian really puts up a barrier between "us" and "everyone else". I don't want that. I don't want to be in this secluded group where we are all called Christians...I want to be part of something where we can believe in many different things but we all believe and love our Father and Savior. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe because all I know is Christianity then that's all I can understand right now. But I want that to change.

So what I mean when I say I can't hear a response from God I really do mean that sincerely, as a spiritual entity, as a Christian or whatever I may be. I want you to understand that even though I am in touch with my spiritual life that doesn't mean that I am always able to hear, understand, or want to listen to God.

#2. I'm a planner. A hardcore, stick it to the planner and if you veer off you better prepare yourself for the rest of the day to be out of whack. It's unfortunate that I am that kind of person, however, I am actually working on that: which leads to my next point:

I have planned on moving to Portland for the past 6 years. I've had it ALL planned out: to what kind of loft I want, to what kind of job I'm going to get in order to pay my bills, and planned (how could I) on meeting the man I will marry when I became settled up there.

Even writing that makes me giggle a little bit because I know how ridiculous I sound. Why must I know how everything is going to be? And how could I have so much planned out? Where do any of the surprises fit in in that plan of mine? It's a fine dream, but it's not realistic, and if you are someone like me who plans every day, to every year, to the rest of your life...please save yourself the heartache of disappointment and take a deep breath. 95% of the time, as I've come to find out, my future as it comes at me is not at all what I planned nor expected, but you know what? It's better. And I really think we need to stop stressing over the small stuff...stop stressing over what you can't control because that's that--you can't control it.

Therefore, I've stopped planning so much. I can hardly figure out what classes I'm going to take but you know what, I like being that way. It makes me enjoy what I have right now instead of always looking so far ahead. I'm 20 once. I want to enjoy it and make the most out of it.

#3. One word: BALI!! Ever since I went to California for Winter Break, surfed for the first time, and enjoyed cool-sun for a change instead of blistering hotness, I've realized that I really want to take action and travel more places right now. I feel like a lot of people say this (and I'm guilty of it, too) but if you want to go somewhere then make it happen. So I've decided that I want to study abroad to Indonesia next year! I can take action now, I can start putting things in place now, and obviously start putting money aside right now. I'm really excited to see how this all works out if it's able to!

Alright, so those are my points and it's probably confusing to look at them and try to relate them together but they are all related. In short: I've been hearing God asking me to do a lot of things but I've turned them down because I've felt like my ideas were better, and how could I risk changing my plans for God? But I can, and I should, because He has the best plan for me of all. He's been asking me in ways like this: in my dreams, when I talk to people, when I'm reading something random or for class, when I'm watching a movie, etc. It's everywhere. He's always talking to me, and the ones that get to me the most are when there's a situation that I really don't want to go through but I know that I should. And when you come to terms with that it's amazing how much more you can hear Him and see His goodness and work, in you and in others. He's been bringing up leaving the country for a long time now and I know He is asking something of me. Going to Indonesia is a dream I've felt like I've had to put on hold until after I moved to Portland, until after this, until after that, but that's not His plan for me. It's okay to let change into your life. It's okay for things to change. It's scary and it feels heartbreaking, especially when I've put all this work into putting the puzzle pieces together, yet this plan is better for me. I'm enjoying the presence more, I'm listening to my Father more than ever, and I'm not so worried about letting go of old dreams and letting in new ones. I want that for you, too. I know it's hard but it pays off--whether you believe in Jesus or not.

In summary:

1.) Make short goals
2.) Be open-minded
3.) Embrace change
4.)Always listen
5.) Be positive

These are things that anyone--Atheists, Christians, and anyone else--can follow and take action in. So thank you for taking the time for me in your day, I hope I was able to shed a little bit of light on you.