without borders

I guess I'm just lost again. And I feel like the harder I try to find myself the deeper in my lostness I get.
I love it here and I love all my friends. That's the #1 reason I wouldn't want to take next year off but at the same time I'm here because I need to for myself. And I don't think I'm ready to find myself yet. I want to explore God damn it. I want to see life before life takes over me with an intimate relationship and work and school. I still have my independence to gain and I want so badly to be free.
I feel like I'm not living yet. And I know that this is the beginning of the rest of my life (and really, every day is the beginning if you think about it) but I feel distant. I feel like I'm following the motions of college--you know, trying drugs and taking midterms and eating junk. I think the reason I feel so freaking lost is because I'm not ready to find myself yet. May I please just go travel? May I please just play music for people and figure out my passion first before attempting to discover what my backup plan is? They really stress here about following your dream and whatever and doing what you are passionate about and maybe it's a good decision to just take a year off of school and work and travel and have absolutely no fucking restrictions.